What’s In An Update?

Those of us who are adopting babies and toddlers from Taiwan through Journeys of the Heart are very fortunate to be blessed once a month with an “Update” of our child. This is not something that every agency provides, and we cherish these glimpses of our little ones who are halfway across the world. They help get us through the months of waiting, the uncertainty, and frustrations that come in this often-lengthy process. Each month we go through waves of emotions that begin the day we receive an update, and ebb and flow until the following month when the next one arrives.

For me it is a ride on cloud nine to be able to see what my little boy looks like each month. Oh, how he has grown since the last photos! Then comes the realization that the photo was taken almost a month ago, so he is probably much bigger by now! Hmmm, how much bigger will he be when he comes home?

We also get a short video clip of our child, who is usually being spoken to by someone in Mandarin. Those of us who don’t speak the language wonder what they might be saying and perhaps create our own subtitles of imaginary dialogue.

How many times do we watch these videos of our children? Who can say? At some point we really don’t even have to watch them. We can close our eyes and push a mental “Play” button and create the whole scene in our head.

Because these precious videos are already so short, you can imagine how cheated we feel if there are fewer than the average sixty seconds, or how elated we feel when they are much longer than usual. My second update video was a mere 38 seconds long, and though I cherished it and watched it numerous times, I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder about it’s length until the next month when my next video was just over a minute long.

Once I have received an update I am usually placated for a week or two. Sending a monthly care package also helps me to forget for moments at a time that I am still weeks or perhaps months from seeing my child in person. By the third week I am counting on the fact that I only have to wait for another week to see my sweet boy’s face once again. Then the day comes when I start thinking that today might be THE day! Then the next… and the next….

My friends on the JOH forums share messages of hope that the updates will soon arrive. Some of us who just can’t take it anymore (that would be me) shoot an email to our agency saying, “I hate to bother you as I know that you are soooo busy, but do you know when the updates might be sent out?”

Usually the delay has come because not all of the updates have come in yet from Taiwan or they are too busy to get them all out right away. To be fair, since we are one big happy family on the forums and all know what is going on with one another, there would probably be a small amount of discord if some of us received an update a week before the rest of the group.

Just when I think that I can’t take the wait one more day and begin to shed a few tears, someone posts the first message that they have indeed received their update! Then starts the cycle of checking the email inbox every five minutes (as opposed to the every fifteen minutes I have already been checking it for the last week) to see if mine has come yet. Nope…nope…nope…

The next day I’m still hopeful but send one more email off to the agency to see if perhaps mine might be coming soon. Alas, I am informed that mine was sent the night before, but was returned as undeliverable because the video was SO LONG! My update comes and I am more than on cloud nine because my video is over two minutes long! My son is also finally wearing one of the many outfits I sent him!

For a few days I won’t think about the uncertainty of this whole process. About the fact that it has already been over three months since my referral and I am still weeks away from knowing whether or not my child’s birthmom has changed her mind. Instead I will make copies of this month’s photo to share with everyone I come in contact with, and I will play the video over and over again until I can lie in bed at night an fall asleep to the images of my little boy playing with his truck.


Lora